A Daddy Like No Other

Throughout this whole roller coaster with Reese's illness and passing there has been one thing besides faith that has held me up. My husband. I have always loved Bryant, but going through this experience together has really shown me just how lucky I am to have him and how amazing he is as a person. There is no doubt we are each others other halves. There is no me without him and there is no him without me, it just wouldn't work. We share the same values and beliefs and that's what keeps us together.

I have always needed Bryant but in the days at the hospital I needed him more than I could ever have imagined. From the beginning, when we first got bad news about Reese, Bry was so amazing. I remember us sitting down facing each other, hand in hand, puffy tear soaked eyes, and Bry saying, "this type of news and what is going to happen with Reese can make us or break us." "This will either pull us apart or bring us together." Bryant looked me in the eyes and said, "for Reese, we need to stick together and talk to each other no matter how hard it will get. No matter how much we don't want to talk or discuss, we just have too." Grieving is very different for everyone and later I would realize how important this decision and acknowledgment that it wasn't going to be easy and that we needed to stick together really was.

In those days at the hospital Bry held me tight when I all I could do was sob, the type of crying that completely takes your breath away and forces you to your knees. He was strong for me. And what I mean by strong is not the typical male "never cry," "rough and tumble" kind of strong. He was strong in that he put faith in God and held our little family together. One of the things that I most love about Bryant is that he cries and shows emotion. He is not afraid to be vulnerable even though it is not the social norm. The second Bryant would see me starting to lose it he would pull me close to join in all of the feelings I was experiencing; fear, hope, anxiety, sadness, love, etc.  and literally kept me from breaking in two.

There were many times when we had to talk to the doctors about Reese and her condition and I just couldn't do it. I would start to cry (everyone that knows me, knows that I cannot cry and talk at the same time). Bryant would literally speak for me in those difficult situations. He would ask the questions that I wanted to ask the doctors as if he was reading my mind. He was my voice when I couldn't speak and for that I am so thankful.

When Reese got the devastating diagnosis of Zellwegers, Bryant and I of course cried more than we have ever cried in our lives. We had never felt so extremely empty with sadness (if that makes sense to anyone). After we couldn't cry anymore because there were no tears left. Bryant looked at me as I was holding Reese and we realized together that we could not only be sad around Reese. We decided that as much as it hurt and as awful as it was we were going to show Reese how we could be happy and laugh. We of course still cried all the time but really made an effort to make the best of the little time we would have with our daughter. Again, Bryant spoke for us and told our whole family how we wanted to spend our time with Reese. Now, looking back at it, I am just in aw of how amazing he is. Its extremely hard to put into words how proud I am of him and how much respect I have for him. He truly is the definition of a real man.

Unfortunately, Bry and I would only get 2 weeks with our sweet baby girl here on earth (2 weeks that I cherish more than anyone can ever know). When Reese went to heaven, Bryant again was what helped me to move through the next days (the most difficult of my life). And after much debate back and forth with himself as to whether he could speak at Reese's funeral, he decided that no one else could. He had to do it. No one else could speak about and share Reese the way he did that day. I have never been more proud of my husband and his courage.  

Honestly, Bryant is like my hero:) He continues to hold me up and cries with me on the days that are hard and shares in the happy times we had with Reese as well. I don't know that he actually knows how much everything he does actually means to me and especially in these last few months. I can honestly say that I instantly loved him more when Reese was born and continue to love him more as each day passes. Reese and her daddy shared a bond that was extremely special. He was and is the best daddy to Reese (his little turkey).

Daddy and Reesey

Our baby girl has brought us closer together and all 3 of us have bonded in a way that is so magical and indescribable. Thank you Reese and thank you Bryant for being the best family I could have ever ever asked for. I love you both beyond words, so much so that it hurts. You both make up my heart and my soul and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Our little family :)