Little Reese-Big Love

With each day that passes I get more and more scared of forgetting things about Reese, especially the little things. I am so afraid that I won’t be able to remember the sound of her breathing. I am afraid of forgetting how her hair felt. I am afraid of forgetting the way she smelled. I am afraid that I will forget the way it felt to hold her close to me. I don’t ever, EVER want to forget those things.

I am so thankful for all of the pictures we have and the videos as well (we only have like a trillion J). Every night before bed I watch the videos of Reese and scan through her photos. It’s almost like I have too, like if I don’t look at the videos and pictures of Reese every day, multiple times a day, I will just explode right then and there. We have one video that is my absolute favorite and I cherish so much. Reese has her eyes wide open and is looking all around. She also has the hiccups and they are really loud. Bryant is holding her hand. Bryant puts her hand back on her stomach and she flings her hand back towards Bryant like “hey dad, hold my hand again.”

What most of you don’t know is that Reese was a little diva and she was just the most awesome little girl. I am so positive that everyone would have loved her as a young adult or kid (not biased at all J). She would have been someone who made everything more fun (like her dad), she would have  jabbered all the time (like her mom), she would have been just perfect.

Just so in love 

Sometimes it drives me nuts not knowing… Sometimes it’s so unbearable to know that I will never get to see her off to kindergarten, never get to brush her hair, never get to see what color eyes and hair she would have had, never get to shop for a prom dress with her, never get to have a girls night, never get to just LIVE with her in my life. It is so unbearable and awful to know this harsh reality.

What I have tried to do is focus on moments that we did share and how very special those moments were. I try to write everything down so I can remember when I am old and grey.  Even if I can’t remember all the little things about each day with Reese, I realize that nothing can ever take away the way she made me feel, the amount of love that filled my heart for her. Such a pure, untainted love that Reese brought to us. From my experience, I didn’t have even the slightest idea of what love was until I had Reese. She is the definition of 1 Corinthians 13

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.”

And really I think that having Reese and feeling this kind of love is a glimpse into the kind of love God offers to us because the love we have here on earth is nothing like the love described in Corinthians.  The love Reese brought to earth and to me was definitely a glimpse of heaven.

sweet baby

Reese, each moment with you was literally like heaven on earth. Reese, you are my heaven and my earth. You are my everything, and always will be. Even though your physical body is not here, I know that your spirit is here with me every minute of every day. I love you like crazy little girl, more than words can describe!!